Pictures paint a thousand words - and just like that those same pictures not only taking you back to those years but just the thought of it could make you reminisce through the good and the bad times. And that, possibly qualify photograph as the only tangible item that could compensate what is gone, the lost of words and moments, and people we dearly love or once loved in this life. That tender smiles, small laughs, frowns and poses - little did we all know what is only known as moments are now all equally memorable and better, making us the person we are today. May we laugh a little harder, smile a little bit more, and make memories that we can carry to our old age.

These days I have been rather obsessed with understanding my own tendencies - true enough what initially fallen on the E spectrum is now shifting towards the I(NTROVERTED). While I was conforming to what used to be my personality - I do aware of the changes that I am currently going through - the truth is, we are always evolving, always figuring. 3 years back, I thought I figured what I wanted, knew who I was becoming but again - thinking I'm back at that square 1 again. Losing and gaining, re-evolving and one thing for sure, always trying. Learning and figuring own self just shy few months from hitting 30 is not a life-crisis but rather an emphasis that life has no timeline and to find affirmation in that. As an individual, I genuinely find comfort and energy in having my disconnected moments - away in the nature, away from small conversations, and just that very few times away to recharge my energy. While it is somewhat difficult to explain and 'disconnect' from loved ones - I take full account in knowing those recharged moments are only going to make my time with my loved ones a precious one. On this journey of discovering 'own self', I learn that I am spiritual, always looking to find meaning and purposeful interactions - even if its non conforming, even if those are strange in the eyes of strangers. I learn on my obliging tendency, only because kindness that I am capable to offer - and to do less of that now. I understand how being told what to do despise me so much and making me demotivated - while it is okay to have that tendency, I know I need to be less 'personal', take up every criticism, and find optimism in that - micromanagement is needed at certain times to ensure deliveries. While I got excited over new things, I also got over excitement in just a blink of an eye. And it is definitely something to work on. While I got enthusiastic in new begininnings, I will also need to finish what I begin.

Life- altering decision. Everything has its own timeline. Never going to be too fast and never going to be too slow. The timing is perfectly made for you - and yet here we are, rushing through every sip of our morning coffee till that very last seconds before we hit the hay. "When you're 23, you should have a secured job - secured enough so you can progress through the next stage in 'life'. You should be married at 26 and that is a perfect age to be married and starting a family of your own. And then when you hit 28, there is no better time for you to grow the family". And it goes on and on. Clearly, there is no wrong and right answer to that but expectations breed unnecessary doubts. You may have not landed on your dream job at 28, and that is alright. You may have not figured what you want to do in 5 years time - and that is fine too. Even when all odds are against you, and you may have not met your person to sail the journey of life with - again, that is okay too. In this life, our role is to take one thing at a time, take the deepest breath and brace this like a champion at any point in time. Sometimes, it will cause us cuts and sometimes, it will teach us a thing or two.

Indeed, "maybe you wish for something but that thing or person you wish upon is not what you need in this worldly affair". I dont get that notion - most of the times. I dont understand why despite me knowing myself, and my intention, things always dont worked out. I thought I know myself - and the extend I can go to make people happy and appreciated, but it always ended up with me and my heart crying. It can go sour when you make room for people, when that people can make you laugh, and when you give them the power to dictate your day. And when you lose them, you lose that very same parts of them making you laugh, making your day, and worst - that space is now left empty, only leaving you with unexplainable void.

This broken heart of mine teaches me something, these days I find myself thinking of God often. Letting Him be the owner of us all, fixing my heart, reminding myself of this temporary world. It is possible of you to want so much, but how much more of this world we can have?

People spends a lifetime trying to seek for the remedy to 'that' void. True enough, in this worldly dunya, you gain some and you lose some. It could be in any form - relationship, career, material, peaceful mind, healthy body, and the list can never seem to exhaust because this life we are living in can never be close to perfection and if you seek one, then you will forever be indebted to the unsettled thoughts inside your head.

But still, as a human and a person, there are still holes, and voids that we keep looking to fill. Now that we have some aspects to be contented about, we still look for more. And that is only natural because we gravitate towards perfection - which is close enough,  never quite meant for this dunya. We seek for companionship - in a form of love, that is sometimes can be too exhausting to chase, and we chase it anyway, because we want 'it' to fill that void. We seek for material because that gives us that freedom, freedom to not depend on anyone, or secretly, we gain our confidence through  possessions.

The misery, the acceptance, the let go, the moving on parts are all familiar enough, and that is only because as humans, for as long as we are given that chance to face another day, we are always allowed to recalibrate our lives, our goals, our loves - despite over and over again shouldering hardships and difficulties, bearing pains and heartbreaks. As much as this life can break us with our too little too much of attachments, it also gives us too little too much chances to always try again, and make it work, the way we always do.

People spends a lifetime trying to seek for the remedy to 'that' void. True enough, in this worldly dunya, you gain some and you lose some. It could be anything - relationship, career, material, peaceful mind, healthy body, and the list can never seem to exhaust because this life we are living in can never be close to perfection and if you seek one, then you'll forever be indebted to the unsettled thoughts inside your head.

Last year, after a brief episode of regretting my career move, I was determined to change it into something I can look forward to go to work to and feel good about. After quite a number of doubts and rejection, thinking I may be too nice or too charitable for the industry, I still do not quite doubted myself, and with one opportunity, I give all that I can to strive at what I am doing - alhamdulillah, it turns out good that I still enjoy going to work now, to both goof and work.

But still, as a human and a person, there are still holes, and voids I keep looking to fill. Now that I have some aspects to be contented about, I look for more. And that is only natural because I gravitate towards perfection - which is close enough,  never quite meant for this dunya. I seek for companionship - in a form of love, that is sometimes can be too exhausting to chase, and I chase it anyway, because I want 'it' to fill that void. I am facing a hard difficult suffocating times processing what went wrong, what could have been done to fix, what did I do wrongly, or why the other party cannot quite give me the same amount of love, care, and attention I am always willing to offer? Maybe I found the answer, and maybe I have not, or never will.

While I keep my hunt - I learn that I keep going back to step 1 again. The misery, the acceptance, the let go, the moving on parts are all familiar enough, and that is only because as humans, for as long as we are given that chance to face another day, we are always allowed to recalibrate our lives, our goals, our loves - despite over and over again hardship and difficulties, pains and heartbreaks. As much as this life can break us with our too little too much of attachments, it also gives us too little too much chances to always try again.

As  much as I love penning down my thoughts, I'd like to think that I love to keep it rational too, and hence the read of many many articles that could reason my feels and emotions. Those obviously are difficult to be explained.

My favourite topic, love - it touches that part of your brain that is similar to the effect of drugs usage - dopamine, anxiety, addiction, that high level of passion and greatness, those are strong emotions but in no easy way can be well rationalised.

Your the one  today, can cause you that extreme bipolar comfort and discomfort feelings because love is never meant to be that easy, and if it is, it reduces the intensity of your love effect. Also that very good reason why some choose to settle down with different people despite being crazily in love with someone else.

To me, love is magic and passion - that one thing that is really hard to find and keep without the help of time. I'm starting to believe in correct timing, timing for everything. For you to go out there, for you to represent your best self or in different case, your self that can still do so much learnings. Looking back, there are just so much stories of mine to be treasured - those which include immature gestures, pure and crazy love, refreshing and stupid - all that serve the purpose of learnings, moving on, kindness, and keep on loving.

Just two years ago, my blog would have been on different person. How his fears keep him away from   trying harder in making things work and how my prayers would have been to be reunited. And just six months ago- I might have gushed on another talented person, the one that speaks my language of interests, hobby, and life. And in that very same period of time - how life events brought me another person - uninvited and unforeseen of his importance in my life today.

I cant quite begin to describe - the silly talks, or liberal talks, those whines or just us sitting in a car doing nothing can be extremely addictive it becomes harder by day to choose to walk away or not being close to him. And just like that, your wait to experience love for the past 6 years teaches you the pleasure of  having a company, or doing things together, of accepting flaws and recognize the good in another person.