" the only constant thing that never change is change "


i guess i should start expecting that by now, as u grow older , things change no matter how hard we have to deal with that . life makes me wonder , is there such thing as perfection ? or PERFECTION was just created for the sake of illusion .

" dont try to connect if you cant connect "

ever been in a conversation where you are making yourself living in misery for less words to say ? if you dont , well atleast i do . pleasing people too much aint that good , pushing ourself too hard to connect with people would just make yourself tangled . and thats not how i want to live my life.


" lost "

define lost . waking up one morning , and feeling like a completely hopeless person , like no where to go , no where to hide , and even worst no where to cry . its hard to live a life . where you know its just hard to keep people , things , emotion , places , situations static.



" friends "

define friends . people . bunch of people around you , it could be measured in quantity but in my case not quality . thats just it , like howie day said " even the best fall down sometimes ", wonder.wonder.wonder. why am i trying to please people too hard when they dont even care , when they couldnt care less , or i just cant see how bad i was ?? its really deep , when i was 10 , i thought i never gonna need a person called FRIEND , because i got my family . and they accept me just the way i am , and when i was 17 , im thankful to god , because , i thought i have everything , family , friends , education and love. what else an ordinary girl can ask for ??? and when im 18 . things changed , i missed having " bestfriends ",the one who knows in and out , the one i can act like a popeye or mrs bean and still being accepted . the one that can join me melantak nasi dua pinggaan and still can be happy . but again , there was a collision between miss so called- afiqah and fate . maybe i was too lucky back then , but guess what ?? im okay with that .


im standing still , i miss what i miss, i miss people i miss , i miss memories we had , i miss their voices , i miss their craziness, i miss having them around me , i miss loving them like i always did , i miss worrying for them , i miss driving them around , i miss being myself with them, i miss hating them but most of all im deeply in love with them , i miss knocking them , i miss the feeling being annoyed , i miss being cared , i miss them as they brought loads of tears and joys , i miss them as they changed me , not a bit but much of it , i miss everysingle things we did together , i miss copying their homeworks , i miss belly dancing with them , i miss watching movies with them , i miss karoke-ing, i miss their smells and i miss having to spend for them , i miss my willingness to do anything for them , but i guess im good at failing myself , they just couldnt see me , how much i adored and care for them , how much i wanted to grow old with them, some of them just made me wanna live as much as i could live and see our kids grow up and eventually marry the kids so that we could be besan , and some of them just made me melt where i wanna experience the whole wide world with them , see the sceneries of venice , taste the coldness of jeju island and spend a week in hatyai , living our life like a rockstar ,


there u go , prince charming and the princess , marry , reproduce and live happily ever after .


but but thats not it , i guess i should sue walt disney for making me believe in fairy tales, there isnt one , and me ? i am not a princess and never will be .

i took this short period of time . this two weeks were rough , hard , well its always been like that for the past few years, but i just couldnt be any matured enough to realised it,

and now ,the fragile part is still within me , i couldnt bear to resist it , but the world is being observant . a great one. i could see another part of world where i couldnt see before. people struggling with loneliness, people with no family , people with no opportunities , people with hopeless vision , people with their own destiny,

so now , im afiqah ahmad , keeping myself calm and thankful for every good things ive been through. i believe there must be other people .

no matter what longitudes or lattitude,
no matter what seasons ,
no matter what languages they are using,
no matter what colours they are,
no matter how fat and thin they are ,

im sure , im lucky and strong enough for this , thanks people who always been there for me ,
mama papa abg mal abg pit kakak , nadira noorazli , nabilah sharipudin , intan falisya . thanks and millions thanks!



p/s : thank you aween, sha, lin, akma , mel , you made me feel welcomed when i really need to feel like being welcomed.