reaching out your dreams ,

what is the core of enviness ? can anyone objectively define envy ?

well i cant , but it is a nature that enviness can be a companion too,
its all yours when inner you suddenly stares and glance with a sigh wishing


1. you were the one holding hands with the others
2.you were the one wrapped with branded stuffs
3. you were the one that caught the attentions
4. you were the that has somebody to talk to ,

sucjectively undefined , objectively cant be defined.


but i know a girl who is tremendously at the peek of feeling that way ,
when she was 5 , she couldnt get it , why on earth she had to go to kindergarden.
she thought " life is all about staying at home , watching cartoons and accompanied by family "
life goes on ,
she was 7. again , why primary school was created but she held a hope that

" one day , im gonna marry a prince and be rich ! "

she grew up from being a 7 years old girl who was being too much influenced with a hope that , theres a fairy tale ,

she held a dream ,

adek what do you wanna be ?

" papa , adek nak jadi architect , ill build a very nice house for us okay ?"

with a great supply of wooden blobs and etc , she modelled her very own version of home , she loved it, she liked it , and she hoped her family did too.

it was 12.45, and she couldnt see any familiar faces she was expecting . being teased by friends with superficial artificial cranky jokes. and she believed. she was just scared to go to school,

crying was her middle name , she was famous for that. bullied , well its not like its never happened.

she was 9 and as early as that age. she found out " i just hate numbers "

she was 12 . first big exam coming . upsr . how lame to spell it ? that was how lame to even stayback at school until 4.30. what do u expect , she was just 12 ? she hated it ,

ALHAMDULLILAH, 5as , were all hers , tears of joys ,


high school ,new uniform , new school , guess she needed a new directory too,
she learnt what friendship was all about ,she was just glad, no more kiddos running and yelling,

hey it was HIGHSCHOOL , budak tertib banyak ,

she learnt that she was scared of ghosts . grr sekolah ni classic and elegant ,
oh no , she was being half herself , timid and sexy , hahhah ,

and the unfortunate thing ,
she learnt that , goodbye architect .she wasnt good at art and maths, these combo are like throwing her into the bubblesair with no carpet on it . its was all floating

so she turned to her best model , siblings!

lawyers are on act .

yes. history was all hers , she thought .

doing good , being teens , with that oestrogen running here and there . she screwed up sometimes but she survived .

got to learn the lovebug at 15 , cliche ,

17 , spm . again , she could see her future holding a law degree ,

18, reaching out your dreams , please do so , or else ,


your just gonna end up accompanied with envy .
leaving all her dreams for the sake of experience , aint too sure whether it is good or not , but living a dream for 5 years and let it go just in a blink wasnt that easy.

its true , as you grow up , you have to make up your mind ,
stand up and yell out for dreams ,
set the goals nd shoot the ball.
or else ,

your fifty and looking back at your diaries , will just give you a heartache ,



p/s : perfectly perfect missing her long time dreams .