i honestly thought that love is such a lonely word. well at least to me,

few years back, ive always thought that fighting for love is like meh, blergh. we women, get so much things to do, so much things to achieve, so much better things than you know, getting yourself into a complex- no sleep- teary eyes- heart wrenching feelings. 

it felt like it was a nono to let myself be seen as a love devoter, or at least getting the word, 'fool' patched all over my faces!

and so i thought, second chances was full of bull getting shits. if it is love, then lovers would have never gotten themselves into relationships with doubts and jealousy.

that was ego. feeling that ooh i was actually good enough, little that I know that we were just kids. young and inexperienced. you cant change people's heart but you do can touch it.

you can fight for what not you, but what your heart wanted the most,

for sure 'second' doesnt sound as good as 'first'. first in class, first to arrive, first try, first kiss, or first love, but you see, we human so much lacking at all time.

a 'second' gift  might surprise you way beyond expectations.

its crazy but now i do wonder, what if i lower my gaze, my expectations, my confidence in the name of humility, do a little bit of fighting, ooh yeah

"we gotta fight fight fight for this love"

then probably at this time, i would have not wondered at all, know that i did a lil bit of fighting, 

or maybe now i get to waking up to cheesy love mesages in the morning

or having to complain about stress at school,

and how much i hated calculus.

and having someone to at least carry my groceries! ( and crazy surprises for my birthday, or maybe crazy pandora for anni, or maybe tiffanys for our 5th anny!)

err okay, i get it. this is why i should just stay away from love thingy.

emm i m just,

emm.

not ready.