things changed. people changed. people moved from places to another, they met new people, they left, they stayed. interesting as it is.
you dont always do what you want to do. you dont always end up at the same place.
you dont always get what you think you could have.
i can cook now. now im an aunty. my parents have retired. i think im becoming more tolerant. i help holding the door for others. i become less selfish in my own ways. i love walking alone. i dont drive that often. i forgot what it feels like to look pretty. still skipping classes like i used to do. still watching korean and chinese movies. still a fan of airsupply. still listening to 80s ballad. my fantasy level is still very uncomprehensible. i am confident now. i think i know what im good at. and what im bad at. i have faith. i reason. i like new people now. i have ex that got married. my friend now is a mother.
meet new people. good ones.
those years long gone. but i still keep bunch of my old girlfriends. the same ones.
but there is this one person. never really left, well practically he did.( happily ever after with someone ah!)
i forgot about him sometimes. i forgot that he was mine at some points of my life. i forgot that i was his. i forgot that i was ever in love with him. i forgot how it felt like when im listening to those songs we used to listen to. i forgot how he made me fell in love hard. how to love. an d to be loved.
but i can never forget him. every once in a while he crosses my mind. his smile, his smell. our silly talks, long long conversations, our mushy mushy moments, our first date, our comfortness when we were together, our fights. how painful it was to love somebody. how beautiful it was to have somebody to love you back.
i wonder somehow, would a second chance makes a difference? would it be now?
because i have never met anyone like him. i never meet anyone like him. and i know i will never meet anyone like him. ever.
thats my first love.
the one i would never trade for anything.
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