Strategizing next move, exhausting. Thinking of the future, exhausting. Having to caring for people, equally exhausting. Well, I'm kind of exhausted. I'll be 28 in few months time and don't care about the timeline, ah not. I do care of the timeline and it feels like I am chasing a certain timeline on my own.

I chased a new job in January, Done. Is it a good move? I am still searching for reasons. I know I am impatient, restless, and never quite know how to settle. That is my strength and also, the reason to my restlessness. Not all bad, but if and only if I can totally calm my tits, life would be a whole load better, I'm convinced.

That is my state of mind. Sometimes, I feel like I need to be punished for my constant need to have my alone time. I am always needing the time I get to be alone, not having to caring about what to buy for breakfast, lunch, dinner and how much am I allocating for that. I feel bad that I even have that need to be considering those, when it is for my loved ones. I try harder to understand myself. People drains my energy. My energy is drained after 5 days a week and I am trying my best to put myself in best behaviour as I really really love people around me.

It is just that, I really need to recuperate. I need to not act like I need to be caring of others and figuring things for people. I dont want to go out and I want to act irresponsibly for whenever I could, sometimes. I hate saying no to outings and I need people to give me space without totally avoiding and heart feelings being involved. I sound selfish and that too, equally exhausting.