People spends a lifetime trying to seek for the remedy to 'that' void. True enough, in this worldly dunya, you gain some and you lose some. It could be anything - relationship, career, material, peaceful mind, healthy body, and the list can never seem to exhaust because this life we are living in can never be close to perfection and if you seek one, then you'll forever be indebted to the unsettled thoughts inside your head.

Last year, after a brief episode of regretting my career move, I was determined to change it into something I can look forward to go to work to and feel good about. After quite a number of doubts and rejection, thinking I may be too nice or too charitable for the industry, I still do not quite doubted myself, and with one opportunity, I give all that I can to strive at what I am doing - alhamdulillah, it turns out good that I still enjoy going to work now, to both goof and work.

But still, as a human and a person, there are still holes, and voids I keep looking to fill. Now that I have some aspects to be contented about, I look for more. And that is only natural because I gravitate towards perfection - which is close enough,  never quite meant for this dunya. I seek for companionship - in a form of love, that is sometimes can be too exhausting to chase, and I chase it anyway, because I want 'it' to fill that void. I am facing a hard difficult suffocating times processing what went wrong, what could have been done to fix, what did I do wrongly, or why the other party cannot quite give me the same amount of love, care, and attention I am always willing to offer? Maybe I found the answer, and maybe I have not, or never will.

While I keep my hunt - I learn that I keep going back to step 1 again. The misery, the acceptance, the let go, the moving on parts are all familiar enough, and that is only because as humans, for as long as we are given that chance to face another day, we are always allowed to recalibrate our lives, our goals, our loves - despite over and over again hardship and difficulties, pains and heartbreaks. As much as this life can break us with our too little too much of attachments, it also gives us too little too much chances to always try again.